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Heather Darbe

Suicidal Thoughts

20 Things Suicidal People Wish They Could Tell You

By | Community Blog

Suicidal Thoughts

Having suicidal thoughts can be a scary and lonely experience, especially if you’re afraid of being honest with others about how you’re really feeling. But it’s important to talk about and get support for suicidal thoughts — even passive ones. Because although it’s scary, it shouldn’t be shameful, and it’s certainly not something we should hide.

To get a conversation started, we asked our mental health community to share with us one thing they wish others knew about their suicidal thoughts. For those of you who may be feeling this way, know you are not alone.

Here’s what they had to say:

1. “Just because I’m feeling suicidal doesn’t mean I’m planning to take my life. I just need help.” — Morgan S.

2. “Understand selfishness isn’t what drives those thoughts.” — Marjorie R.

3. “The difference between passive and active suicidal ideation… I don’t want to end my life, I just have moments where the exhaustion is too much.” — Erin N.

4. “The biggest misconception about suicidal thoughts is that people do it for attention.” — Melanie B.

5. “It’s not something I can just snap out of.” — Valerie R.

6. “I am not the boy who cried wolf. These thoughts and feelings are real each and every time.” — Stevie S.

7. “It hurts to feel this way, I don’t enjoy it.” — Olivia R.

8. “The thoughts exploit every weakness, every argument, even every triumph to make it something it shouldn’t be. The intrusive thoughts torment you until all you can think about is silencing them and that thought is quickly consumed by suicidal ideation.” — Abby W.

9. “It’s so much more common than people realize. Suicide doesn’t have a face. It can be anyone.” –Kellyn R

10. “What I truly want is to be saved — to not feel like suicide is the only option I have.” — Abi T.

11. “If we could use a switch to turn [off] the unwanted suicidal thoughts, we would.” — Natalie M.

12. “My thoughts aren’t caused by others. It’s not their fault.” — Wesley C.

13. “Suicidal thoughts aren’t [confined] to a specific time of when they start and end. [For me,] they are a constant feeling that never leaves.” — Emma J.

14. “ It’s not something I can control. The thoughts come from nowhere and are nearly impossible to will away.” — Christina L.

15. “ Just because I smile and laugh doesn’t mean my suicidal thoughts are me being silly… My smiling is for your benefit so you can’t see how much it’s hurting me to simply exist on a daily basis.” — Monica E.

16. “It’s not about dying, it’s about escaping the noise in my head at the time.” — Meghan B.

17. “I wish people knew that when I seem distracted or in my own world, I’m fighting an internal battle. Some days it takes every fiber of my being to keep going and a kind word can make all the difference.” — Sean H.

18. “Working through these thoughts and feelings is hard, be patient with me.” — Becky B.

19. “I’m torn between wanting to end the pain and not wanting to hurt my loved ones.” — Wade D.

20. “I wish others knew that sometimes these thoughts are just as scary and frustrating to me as they are to you.” — Jessica L.

By Juliette Virzi via https://themighty.com/2017/03/suicidal-thoughts-what-i-wish-i-could-tell-you/ 

Journaling for 30 Days Taught Me How to Accept My Chronic Illnesses

By | Community Blog

If my life was written as a book or acted out in a play or movie, The Mighty’s My Mighty Month Challenge would probably be the climax or most important point of the story. I can’t find a way to explain how great this experience has been for me without some background as to how I ended up taking January’s 30-day journaling challenge.

When I was diagnosed with complex regional pain syndrome (CRPS), also known as reflex sympathetic dystrophy, back in 1996, no one I knew had ever heard of it. With the exception of the pain specialists that diagnosed me, most of the doctors and nurses I came into contact with didn’t even know what it was. As a 15-year-old, I wanted to know what my diagnosis meant, and began researching at school. Back then, the internet was fairly new and there wasn’t as much information available as there is today. I did find some information though, and I used it to explain my diagnosis to family, friends, teachers, doctors and nurses.

Fast forward twenty-years to 2015, when I was diagnosed with a second chronic illness: gastroparesis. At this point, technology has advanced enough that when I began researching gastroparesis, I found blogs, youtube videos and podcasts created by people living with the condition. I found comfort in knowing I wasn’t alone, and seeing others share their stories inspired me to do the same.

In September of 2016, I began sharing my story on my blog. I spent the first few months, writing the details of my diagnoses and life events – chronicling 20 years of my life. I quickly became bored telling my story and was happy to reach the present. I decided to continue blogging with the hope that my story would help someone following behind me, just like I have been inspired by those walking ahead of and alongside me.

One day, I came across a link to The Mighty. It felt like I had reached the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. I read story after story about living with CRPS and gastroparesis. Finally, I decided to submit a story, not really expecting to hear anything back from it. When I received an email saying my was published, I was really surprised. My first story “The Moment of ‘Normalcy’ I Craved as a Student with a Disability” was published on December 28, 2016. A few weeks later, I wrote a second story “What this Picture Won’t Tell You About My Illness,” which was published January 13, 2017.

As a contributor, I receive contributor emails from The Mighty. That’s when I received an email about My Mighty Month. I decided to try using some of those prompts for my blog posts. I knew I didn’t have to share my personal journaling experience with the world, but something inside kept telling me to. I must admit, by day four I had almost convinced myself to quit. However, the word “quit” does not exist in my vocabulary, I deleted it when I was diagnosed with CRPS. I told myself that no matter what I faced in life, I wasn’t going to give up and quit. Due to health issues, some entries were posted a day late, but I believe every one of them ended up being posted. I think posting them online pushed me to think about what I was writing and be more honest with myself.

Having just completed day 30, I’ve come to realize how much this challenge has helped me. By opening up and sharing my story, my true feelings, I feel like I’ve finally come to accept my life as it is, and am taking better care of myself mentally and emotionally. I’d always just survived life with my illnesses and have never really been honest with myself about how they affect me. I thought I was writing to inspire others, but ended finding myself somewhere along the way.

The 30-day challenge forced me to look at my life and realize what is really important. It doesn’t matter what diagnosis the doctor throws my way, what challenges I face on a daily basis, or what I am no longer able to do. What matters is that I take the life I have, challenges and all, and I step up as a warrior and choose to own it. I may not have control over the illnesses I have, but I can control how I choose to live my life them. As hard as it may seem at times, I must fight back and make the most of my life. It’s my life, and life doesn’t always offer second chances, I must enjoy every moment, every joy, no matter how big or small it may seem. This is what I learned from taking January’s My Mighty Month Challenge. I really do feel that it has helped me greatly.